Norman, OK – Amidst a developing fiasco involving The OU Daily, award-winning rock artist Jack White, and avocado dip, it has come to the attention of Sweet Snark that, apparently, it’s possible to get noticed by a musical artist just by writing a shitty article about them. Because we’re desperate for recognition from a famous rocker, we’d like to shed some light on Julian Casablancas. Due to the nature of the Freedom of Information Act not covering explicitly made-up bullshit, you’re just going to have to take our word on all of this.
According to the leather-clad artist’s contracts, Casablancas requires green Skittles in the dressing room for any given concert. “And none of that green apple shit,” one contract specified. “Lime. It has to be lime. That’s actually what inspired ‘Is This It’ from our first ablum. This chick just insisted that the apple flavor made Skittles better and… I just couldn’t handle that.”
He even demands a particular, homemade style of guacamole, just like Jack White! In fact, we’re starting to wonder if they’re really different people. In which case, we probably should have gone to that concert. Anyway, the recipe is as follows:
- 4x fresh avocados, large and cut long-ways
- 2x ripe tomatoes
- fresh cilantro
- 750 mL Grey Goose vodka.
- Cut avocados long-ways and throw them in a bowl.
- Dice tomatoes and throw them in a bowl.
- Look at cilantro, decide this is too much effort.
- Throw vegetables out.
- Give vodka to Julian.
Well, we’re convinced that’s enough bullshit to warrant a shoutout from Julian on stage, if not free backstage passes to his next show! Now, about that solar-powered Segway in your contract, Daft Punk…