Brutal False Alarm Rocks OU Campus

shootingNorman, OK – Authorities reported possible shots fired near Gould Hall around 11:17am today. Sweet Snark officials were on the scene within seconds to relay the situation quickly and accurately. Initial reports included one shot heard, but no sightings of a shooter. Thanks to social media such as Facebook and Twitter, we were able to find new details literally at the speed of light.

One reporter attempted to interview a SWAT officer as he entered the building, but was pushed aside. Analysts speculated that, based on the brashness of the officer’s actions, Gould had broken into an all-out firefight, resulting in heavy casualties on both sides.

The confirmed machinery malfunction resulted in the death of five officers attempting to infiltrate the building. No injuries reported.

“When I heard there were seven masked gunmen raiding Gould, I started Tweeting as fast as I could,” said junior Kathy Baker. “I was the first to break the news of a bomb being set up in Catlett!”

The lone gunman was later revealed to be Slade Wilson, also known as Deathstroke. He was subdued by David Boren, who was seen swooping in wearing a green hood and brandishing a heavily modified hunting bow. Boren later denied, in a press conference, taking vigilante action. Clarke Stroud, however, is yet to be seen in the same room as the Green Arrow.

Ten minutes after the all-clear, students received yet another OUPD alert, reading, “OUPD Alert.” The lack of detail indicates the situation has become hopeless.

Latest reports indicate this was simply a misunderstanding leading to a false alarm. No survivors have been reported.

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