Washington, D.C. – On Monday, Congress successfully failed to pass a budget by midnight, resulting in the second government shutdown since 1996. House Republicans call this a “significant victory” against the “smartasses” constantly calling them out for their bullshit.
“We’ve been trying to take down Obamacare and the likes of Jon Stewart for years now,” said Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.). “We figured, hey, if we shut down the government, we can do that in one fell swoop. It’s exactly what we wanted, and we got it.”
In addition to the hundreds of thousands of government employees who will be shifted to furlough status, thousands of satirists now find themselves with nothing to do. Sweet Snark staff interviewed several satirists to shed some light on their situation.
“We’ve got no material, man,” said Onion writer Josh Candice. “Without the government, who the hell do we make fun of? I mean, we don’t even have Breaking Bad to spoof anymore. And Miley Cyrus is overplayed. We’re done until something gets worked out.”
“Government shutdown?” said Norman satirist Guy Lazonik. “Damn, that gives me an idea.” We were unable to question him further as he immediately ran off, muttering something about writer’s block.
Sweet Snark would like to note that, despite the massive layoffs, satirists such as Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have been deemed “essential” and will continue to work as long as they refrain from taking excessive vacation time.