Pride Battles Evil Badger Empire, Stolarik to Fulfill Prophecy?


Norman, OK – A few months ago in a town right in the middle of Oklahoma, a prophecy was once told of a director that would bring entertainment to the Pride. One young man from the University of Wisconsin, Dr. Justin Stolarik, was believed to be that director, but was quickly swayed to the dark side by the evil Sith Lord, Darth Weitzenhoffer. Stolarik came to be known as the terrifying Darth Bucky, and together they changed the Sooner Republic into the Badger Empire, plunging the band into a long civil war.

After many bloody confrontations between the Empire and newly-founded Pride Alliance, the rebels finally began to gain some footing. These victories did not come without great loss, however. Many Bothans died to bring fans the original fanfare. Their sacrifice proved not to be in vain upon the destruction of the dreaded Death Star.

The fully operational Death Star before its destruction by rebel forces.

The fully operational Death Star before its destruction by rebel forces.

With such strong pushback, several Empire staff approached Grand Moff Boren in an attempt to convince him to step in and restore the Pride to its original glory, to which Boren replied, “Evacuate in our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.”

Nevertheless, the Alliance continued its siege. One elite squadron, the Tubas, achieved a significant victory with their strike against the Empire, gaining galactic attention. This, combined with efforts from rebel leadership, has resulted in an almost total victory over pregame. However, Alliance members report that the fight is far from over.

“STAY ON TARGET,” said a trumpet rank leader. “STAY ON TARGET.”

Despite many won battles against the Empire, many rebels still feel as though ultimate victory cannot be achieved without the destruction of Darth Bucky.

“He was the chosen one,” said one Tuba pilot. “It was said that he would destroy boring shows, not create them! Bring excitement to the field, not leave it in darkness.”

Even among the violent conflict, some members believe that Darth Bucky still has a chance for redemption. “Because there is good in him,” a trombone rank leader said. “I’ve felt it. He won’t turn us over to the Emperor. We can save him. We can turn him back to the good side. We have to try.”

Reporters overheard a conversation between a young student and the wise Coach Thrailkill, as follows.

“No more training do you require. Already know you, that which you need,” said Thrailkill.

“Then we are a Band,” replied the student.

Thrailkill shook his head and said, “No. Not yet. One thing remains. Weitzenhoffer. You must confront Weitzenhoffer. Then, only then, a Band will you be. And confront him you will.”

10 thoughts on “Pride Battles Evil Badger Empire, Stolarik to Fulfill Prophecy?

  1. I know what’s been troubling you. Listen to me. Don’t continue to a be a pawn of the Board of Regents! Ever since I’ve known you, you have been seeking a life of great boredom, far more than any band.

  2. This writing is quite inventive. You guys should have seriously considered hiring someone from Ohio U. or at least other parts of the Midwest. Just look at what one of our former director’s (Dr. Young) is doing right now with the FAMU 100 to maintain tradition and yet be entertaining and educational. Knowing how to efficiently prepare for and run a large ensemble rehearsal not for the un-experienced. And persons from OU do have degrees in Wind conducting:) This is from one of the original MMOhio with Gene (Coach). Check look at that band for tradition and yet evolving in their own way. Seriously, I just feel sorry for all the younger students caught in all this mess.

  3. My respect and admiration for the principle of teamwork has grown so much through this story. This is the way to be–if you as a band mate are unhappy with the person given this large task and how they are doing it, by all means make it a public issue and, if you have enough influence or family connection, maybe it can be a front running half page story in the state paper. Editors with the the wrong priorities might have placed that story in the sports section, but since the Oklahoman is basically a petty larceny arrest record and some click and drag AP blurbs, I say it was a great choice for a lead story.. At any rate, such a well intention-ed article is going to work magic in the situation–Stolarick–here’s to having vision and spirit and dedication and getting boinked for it–whether you know it or not this was a better thing to happen to you then standing in the roses of these folks center field.

  4. Change Darth Bucky to Darth Sparkles and you’re dead on.

  5. Love the picture, hope things will get better for Pride

  6. I do not even know how I ended up here, but I
    thought this post was great. I do not know who you are but definitely you’re going to a famous
    blogger if you aren’t already 😉 Cheers!

  7. Pingback: Sweet Snark | Beloved Pride Icon Returns Following Director Resignation

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