Norman, OK – University of Oklahoma groundskeeper Larry Davidson told reporters Monday morning that the sidewalks “are in great shape and should enter the fall season quite healthy.” He noted the tediousness of precisely aiming the sprinklers to avoid accidentally getting the grass wet. “If we don’t make sure all the water lands on the concrete, students are just going to traipse straight through the sopping lawn, tearing it up and getting everything muddy,” he said. “I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a terrible waste of tuition if you ask me.”
Davidson expressed concern when a reporter broached the issue of campus parking. “Now, that’s not really my area of expertise,” he said. “But if we build more parking lots or garages or whatever, that’s less landscaping, which means more concrete to water. With recent droughts, I worry that we wouldn’t be able to keep our sidewalks fresh in the future.” Still, he remains hopeful that OU’s walkways will bloom just in time to tear out every flower on campus this autumn, leaving a barren, depressing landscape to prepare students for finals.